Come on milk, where are you?! Argggh! Been feeling frustrated again lately at my low milk supply. My baby is 4+ months now and I think she's going through her 4 month growth spurt, maybe, I don't know. My husband and I joke at how her whole existence has been one big growth spurt ha ha! And my chichis can't keep up. Last night I was feeding her and had tears in my eyes again. That hasn't happened in a while. It's been challenging lately to produce or pump enough milk because I'm so tired of doing this, my body is exhausted. And sometimes, it does get challenging to fit in the pumping when you're working, or need to run errands, or need to meet deadlines. From what I've researched, fatigue affects your milk supply as well. You need to be relaxed and calm...breathe in, breathe out...yeah...pffff! Haven't felt relaxed like that in eons. Unfortunately, my body is very tense all the time these days, too much going on. I need that good relaxation, you know. That deep tissue, Swedish massage, sauna, steam room, quiet, Burke Williams, make you go to sleep type of relaxation! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. But alas, no room in the schedule for now.
A few weeks ago, bambina was eating every three hours, almost on the dot at times. And she was only getting up twice at night. But, such is having a breastfeed baby, that just when you think you've got their schedule down, it changes just like that. And all of a sudden, she wants to eat every hour at night...almost on the dot. And during the day, every oh, one and a half to two hours, and oi vei. I was thinking about cats yesterday, when I was washing baby bottles for like the millionth time, and how they have litters of cats. So they have to breastfeed what, six to eight babies! And they have more than one nipple, ouch. We only have two, and one baby. Unless you have twins, or triplets, or quadruplets and OMG, how do women with more than one baby do it?? I bow down to mamas out there who are conquering that, I bow down. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle and very sadly, I think one baby is probably all He knew I could handle. 'Cause this shit is hard! Or like cows, and how all people want them for is their milk. I saw this picture of the cow being strapped to the pump and first: I felt like this cow myself and got sad. And second, I thought of the toll this must have on their bodies every single day all day consumers demanding gimme gimme milk milk now now! As a vegetarian, I already feel for animals and get tears in my eyes thinking of the pain we humans put them through simply to eat them and then shit them out. And now, as a breastfeeding mom, I feel for cows and the pain they have to go though to feed not only babies who aren't their own, but, (gasp!) humans. But boy do I digress. Hormones. Emotions. Whatever, you get it.
I will say this though: that huge smile and thankfulness and glow in her eyes, and cooing I get from my baby girl as soon as she chugs her bottle of delicious white gold down, is worth every grueling pump or feed. Those tears instantly become tears of joy. Love. Hearts. Peace.
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