I remember this place I loved, but I have now moved on

 Bambina and I at around 6 or 7 months :-)

Yesterday my daughter and I were sitting on the couch just hanging out, looking through her books. I was wearing a low-cut, v-neck top that for some reason, on this day, caught her attention. I've worn tops like this before, that same one included, but this time, she stared at my chest for a few seconds, smiled, patted my chest and said, “Mama,” with loving eyes and tone. That is what she used to call breastfeeding when I was still BF her nine months ago. When she wanted to feed she would say “Mama?” (I am getting teary-eyed just thinking about that time in our lives together.) She then proceeded to pull open my top, over my left breast, exposing my black bra. She smiled and again said, “Mama.” I asked her if she wanted “Mama,” just to see what she would say but knowing what her answer would be, and she quickly closed my top and said, “No,” without a second thought at all. “Oh, no, no, no, I am way past that stage, Mama,” is the reaction I got. LOL. It was very cute and it made me wonder, do they ever really forget? She has no interest whatsoever in BF anymore, but she does seem to remember what that time was in her life. And from the look on her little face, it was a dear and loving time for her. 

I know I haven’t written about my weaning experience and life after the end of my BF days. But I will say, that I am very proud of myself for reaching my goal of BF for one year…and I did it for 13 months! I think I just needed some time to say goodbye and to move on… and to be able to write about it without crying through the entire damn blog post. The latter is already unsuccessful. Weaning my daughter from BF after she turned 1 year was very hard because I really wanted to keep BF, but I knew it was time to stop at 1 year. My body was exhausted and my milk supply was even lower if that's even possible! I cried a lot during the weaning period, I'm sure you read my post "Remnants of the Golden Years" about that. At first it was tough because she would tap on my chest and cry and get all sad, so I would give in. But I slowly started to not give in and immediately distract her to things she enjoyed or that I knew would divert her attention. (You would know what that is for your own baby). After she turned 1 year, I BF only once or twice during the day and at night if she woke up. Over several days, I eventually stopped all together very gradually. I believe that is the best way to wean, slowly and over time. Do NOT go cold turkey on them! It may take a month or two (or more) and that’s okay. Take your time and think about what an emotional time that is for our babies, too. Up until now, that's all they’ve known. It took me a full month for her to be okay and forget about the breast.

A few weeks after we had officially weaned, something very interesting happened. We were playing in the kitchen and I was down on the floor at her height, on my knees, and as she was standing while holding on to me, she reached over to my body and starting “motor boating” my chest, ha ha ha! (And no, I wasn’t showing cleavage this time, ha ha) Then she stopped, and rested the side of her head on my chest for several seconds going "Mmm…" in a loving way, and then just crawled away (she wasn’t walking yet). It was almost like she said, "I remember this place I loved, but I have now moved on." It made me teary-eyed (this happens a lot since I became a BF mom as you may have noticed!). And on some days, she would tap on my chest (or my boobs when I was showing cleavage… hey, might as well take advantage of the boobies after all my hard work!) when I would be holding her and would say, "Mama." Then nodded but that was it, like she remembered but didn’t necessarily want to BF. And THEN, on another occasion, a couple months after she had completely weaned, she pulled down my shirt like she used to do, to feed, and I thought, let me see what she does… and she started giggling! Like an embarrassed giggle, it was really weird. She was pointing and giggling, as if saying, "No silly, I don't want to BF." I wonder where kids get that? Is that a reaction of embarrassment or intimacy that is just innate to us as human beings? How did it naturally become funny to expose my boobs, you know what I mean? When before it was nurturing, it was food for her. I still need to research that one...  And there was just one time after that, where she did that again, so I offered her my breast to see what she did and she quickly nodded "No, no, no!" and pushed it away. So weird how that works. And now, as you can see, she has no interest at all and yesterday was the first time ever that she, again, acknowledged the breast and that it was once “Mama.” That happy place of nurturing.

If you are starting to wean or just about to wean, just know that it will happen gradually. It may be tough especially on the emotions, but if you are ready and your body is ready and tired, it’s the right thing to do. Your baby, and you, will be okay. When I did it, after she turned 1, I wanted to take advantage of that window of opportunity that toddlers have before they turn 2. It’s a good time then to establish new routines, new rules, new schedules, etc. Because after they turn 2, they begin to get set in their ways, and it gets tougher to introduce and establish new rules and routines. Perhaps this is why some parents experience that age as “the terrible twos?” I don’t know, I’ll let you know when I enter that stage with my bambina. But this was a good time for me to transition and wean her away from the breast and any other sleep training I needed, and to establish only drinking from the sippy cups and bottles. And eventually, at around 1-½ years, I weaned her completely from the bottle with much success. That one was also difficult but it worked when I bought her a transitioning sippy cup that had a soft spout. Now she is showing more interest in drinking from a regular cup or with a straw. And also, at 11 months, I started introducing whole, cow’s milk. The brands that don't have added hormones and/or are organic. Very, very slowly so her system could adjust. Whatever milk you will be giving your baby after you stop BF, the month before you start weaning would be a good time to introduce that slowly. I started with 1 oz at a time, and no more than 2 oz a day. The first day, after she had the 2 oz., she blew up her diaper in a major way, LOL! It was a war zone. (I wrote about it in that same blog post from above.) But she quickly adjusted and after she was completely weaned, that's all she started drinking, along with water. I still dilute the milk with water sometimes though, when I feel she has had too much. I think they only need about 12 oz. a day of milk since they are eating full solids now, and my doctor said 2% milk is just fine.

I hope you have enjoyed my woes of weaning and I will share more stories from my BF and weaning days as I remember them. Or, like yesterday, as my bambina reminds me with those little things she does that makes “Mama” cry.

"The power of now" through my toddler

I woke up this morning thinking, “I can be better than yesterday.” And that's what got me out of bed at the crack, before baby and dada. Ten minutes earlier than I got up yesterday. I am ten minutes better than I was before. That would be a great way to live. To always try to be a better person than yesterday. Growing. Improving. Learning. Not dwelling on the past and not worrying about tomorrow. Just giving it your best and living in the “now” like Eckhart Tolle taught us in his book, The Power of Now. My daughter has taught me that way of living all over again, and even more clearly. Children are all about the power of now. They are completely and unconditionally committed to the now. To this moment, right here, right now. The other day, we went on one of our stroller walks and the entire time she is pointing and calling out every single thing she sees. “Flor.” “Sky.” “Bicycle.” “Carro.” Airplane!” “Puppyyyy!” One after the other she is calling out everything she sees and not only that, she calls them out for me to reinforce what these things are. “Flor.” “Flor, sí, flor.” “Airplane.” “Oh yeah, an airplane.” And she’ll repeat such things over and over until I say the word out loud too. Interrupting my thoughts with one word after the other as my mind is filled with this and that, worries, thoughts, unnecessary chaos in my head that my daughter helps clear. I am forced to surrender such thoughts to observe the outdoors with her instead. Nothing about what is happening “now” ever gets past her. And it’s on this walk that I remember Eckhart Tolle’s book and all the principles he teaches and how there is actually one chapter where he is talking about living like this. About observing your current surroundings and living in the present. 

My daughter, just like other toddlers, is not thinking about what happened yesterday. She’s not reciting her to-do list in her head, and she’s not worried about tomorrow. She is only in love with today, this moment, and all it has to offer. If we are coloring together in her Care Bears coloring book, it is all that is happening. She dives into a world of colorful scribbles and doodles wholeheartedly without room in her mind for anything else to clutter this moment. If she is running around outside playing with Dada, she is embracing the dirt and daffodils with focused passion. There is nothing else in life than this moment outside under the sunlight with her Dada. Focused attention. If only I could learn to live like that. It’s possible as I can see through my daughter. And I have tried it and it works in little episodes. I feel more relaxed, happy, tension in shoulders drops, blood pressure decreases, smile more, and tears of joy in my eyes from all the time I wasted thinking about yesterday and worrying about tomorrow. The focus on the now doesn’t last as long as it does for toddlers. It comes easy for children. I guess that’s why people say we should try and live and see the world more like children do. It’s a world of work to do that for us adults, cursed by age and knowing too much. My daughter hasn’t a care in the world about anything else other than each moment she lives. She trusts that mama and dada will take care of everything else and keep her safe. Trust. I need to do the same. I have a “dada” up in the sky that loves me too, and will take care of all my needs and keep me safe. All I need to do is let go, enjoy his world, pull out that dandelion in the grass, and blow.   

The mother of all pregnancy announcements...

 

Did you guys catch Beyoncé at the VMA Awards on Sunday?? She was performing her usual bad ass self and then at the end, bam! Check out my baby bump ya'll! It was pretty awesome. I guess if you're Beyoncé and Jay-Z, you gotta do everything BIG. Even your pregnancy announcement on stage at an award show that's broadcast world-wide. Congratulations to the happy couple who just finished second on FORBES' annual accounting of the top-earning celebrity couples. That was the best pregnancy announcement ever. And you're gonna love parenthood...and being pregnant!

This is what happens when you have a baby!

 

Everything takes waaaaay longer than it should...le sigh. This morning, I gathered bambina for our walk, who decided to wear her fro today since she would NOT, for some reason, let me comb her curly locks after bath time last night. (She loves bath time by the way!) So she's rockin' her lil' fro today and I throw on her jeans and white sandals and we head out the door for a nice stroll. I sit her in her stroller and I ask her if she wants to wear her sunglasses as it is bright and sunny outside. She has no idea what I am asking her, yet she still eagerly nods "Yes!" So I gently put on her The Princess and the Frog sunglasses that her grandma gave her and hey, she keeps them on! How 'bout that. So we're walking, sunglassed-mommy-and-me, and we make it all the way to Walgreens. It's about a one and a half mile walk, or a usually quick 20 minutes. But when I get there, I am quite hot and exhausted. Then I look at the temperature in the store front read-out and it says it's 104 degrees Fahrenheit. Aaahh, no wonder! Insert me delirious. I go in and purchase the three items I need: orange outdoor extension cord, coconut hair conditioner, and a black tank top (hey, it was on sale). I pay, put my change away, and out the door bambina and I go, back into the 104 degrees. Oh, and she is still wearing her sunglasses.

We barely make it home as I am so hot and tired by now and walking a lot slower, and bambina has fallen asleep. I bring her in the house and let her nap. I'm about to jump in the shower when I think...wait a minute. Doh! I forgot the items I had purchased at Walgreens! Oi vei. So I call them and sure enough, they have my bag there with the stuff I bought. So I take my quick shower, get dressed in a rather cute, I might add, summer outfit, then take bambina out of her play pen, smell her diaper, "You got poopies? No, no poopies? Good," grab my keys and purse, turn on the car to get the air conditioning going (104 degrees, remember?) put her in her car seat, finish strapping her seat belt, then notice my pants and woahhhh...why do I have food all smashed on my gaucho pants? I take a bit of the "food" that's smeared on my pants, smell it, you know, 'cause that's what us mommies do, we SMELL these things. ("Is that chocolate or poop?") and OMG it's poop!! Why didn't you tell me you had poop, I asked you?? Oh, right, you don't talk yet. I take a deep breath and contemplate for a few moments...she can make it to Walgreens and back with a leaking, poopy diaper, right? Oh, sighhhh...so I take her out the car seat again, turn off the car, go back into the house, and give her an entire wardrobe change like she was Cher at her farewell concert. AND, I need a wardrobe change as well, because, remember?? Poop all over cute, summer outfit? FINALLY, we're out the door, AGAIN, turn on car, turn on air conditioner, strap baby in car seat, strap mommy in seat belt, and phew!, back to Walgreens we go to pick up our items that we actually purchased over an hour ago! Arrive at Walgreens which is actually just a five minute drive, turn off car, un-strap baby from car seat again and OMG, you get the picture! A five minute ride takes an hour with a baby! Why, oh why??? Why? You know why...because we love it, and we love our babies, and we love being mommies...yup...pooped gaucho pants and all :-D

Wait, what? A breastfeeding doll?

 

My husband forwarded me this article by Tessa Blake, Breastfeeding – Our Country's Lactation Intolerance which talks about a new breastfeeding doll, "Breast Milk Baby," that has been selling in Europe and just a month ago, made it's way to the U.S....along with all the controversy. Some people have accused the doll of "sexualizing" children. It sounds like it's part of the on-going debate on women's breasts and how they have been made to be sexual objects by modern society (i.e. men) when ultimately they were created for feeding our babies. But why would anything about a little girl be sexual?? That being said though, and me being a pro-breastfeeding, lactivist mommy, I have to admit that I find this doll, rather, strange. I'm on the fence with this one. It may be part of my overall belief that some toys and accessories out there try to make children grow up too fast. But at the same time, children mimic what their parents do anyway, it's part of learning and developing into grown-up, full-functioning adults. Oh, incidentally, did you know that Barbie was supposedly modeled after a German cartoon prostitute? Who knew.

I do have to say though, that I find it great how there is a whole new, world-wide movement to promote and encourage breastfeeding, and sort of "take back" our breasts and use them for what they were intended to be. Without the shame, without the embarrassment, without the inconvenience, and without being fired from our job. I see a bright future ahead for breastfeeding mamas who will run the world with their Chichi Power! And I do like Tessa's final thought: "I'm all for breasts as a secondary sexual object as long as we don't forget their primary purpose. Or, here's a novel idea: Why can't they be both?"

I *Heart* Breastfeeding!

But you already knew that :-)  This month's issue of Babytalk magazine has a nice, five page article on breastfeeding, and an additional page on finding the right breast pump. In this article is where I discovered The International Breastfeeding Symbol (pictured above) and the website where you can buy merch with the symbol, like tees and onesies, and get tons of valuable information on breastfeeding. Although, I really liked the "Superman" looking t-shirt that was featured in the Babytalk article, but I couldn't find it on the website. The article is very informative and it just makes me so happy to see breastfeeding being promoted more and more these days all around the country. I hope this continues and we can create an even bigger pro-breastfeeding movement for future mommies-to-be, and for the dear sake of the babies! Our children, the future generation, are who ultimately benefit from breastfeeding and I wish everyone could just understand this fundamental truth (Georgia!) and get over their gripe and inhibitions about moms breastfeeding in public or at work or breastfeeding too long and all that nonsense. Let's grow up, people, and quit being such a "baby"...all pun intended. :-D

The milk comes out of where??

I was blog hopping this past week and came across a forum where mommies were posting a list of things they wish someone had told them about going into labor. It was pretty funny and some of those I agreed with too. There are things that happen down there in the land of giving birth that you wonder... what the heck is going on here and why didn't anyone tell me! (I've got stories.) But one that really made me chuckle and was directly related to breastfeeding, and, well, this here Chichi Power blog being about BF, is the one I wanted to write about today... Where is the hole and when does it come in? LOL! Okay, backtrack, so when I was still pregnant with little bambina, I, as you know, had already made the decision to BF since before she was even conceived. But when I was pregnant, I never really noticed my boobs get any bigger or filled with milk. Like the milk never "came in" until way after I gave birth. (Hence my struggles with BF but you already know my sob story.) I would examine my breasts and nipples from time to time (wait, doesn't everyone do this?!) since I was preggers and doing research on all things preggers and BF, and I would look at my nipples an wonder, hmm, where exactly does the milk come out? I thought our nipples were just like baby bottle nipples, and there was a hole in the middle and that's where milk came out. But I looked at mine and didn't quite see a hole. Umm, I think this is it here, but I'm not sure. When I squeeze, nothing comes out. Well, my BF mamas, it turns out that we don't have one single hole in the middle of our nipple, but there are in fact, tons of little holes all around our nipples where the milk comes out. Ohhhhh, that's how it works! Oh, how, um, weird! Right?? But yes, unlike a baby's bottle, a real nipple has more than one hole, or port (duct). It actually may have as many as 5 to 25 holes or pores, usually one for each lobule in the breast. No wonder some babies have such a hard time transitioning from breast to bottle. They're like, yo, dude, this has one single drip when I had a whole bunch of milk coming out before. What gives? 

Oh, another thing I learned, was that when you have sore nipples from BF, yes, you can use that purple cream Lansinoh (which was my "breast friend" when I was first starting out oooh weeee!) but you can also just squeeze out some breast milk and rub it on your nipples and that will self heal the sore nipples. Who knew? Our bodies, ladies. Like I've said before, our bodies are amazing, aren't they!? As far as poor, weaned baby, luckily, there are some baby bottles that are at least close to the real thing. Like the Tommee Tipee for instance. Or the Mimijumi bottles. And, well, that concludes the TMI post. Sorry if this was breast and nipple TMI but I'm like that sometimes. I have very few inhibitions. If you've birthed a baby, you know how that kind of goes out the door... whether you want it to or not!